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Friday, September 16, 2011

Single Parenting in Today’s American Society

Having kids is one of the greatest joys of life but it may come with many ups and downs.  How often does a person really plan a pregnancy? Of the three boys I have I can say that my second one was totally and completely planned.  And from that one planned pregnancy came years of drama, a failed marriage and one unplanned child.  Many nights I have feel asleep from a heavy heart, but not from my relationships, from worrying about my child.  My oldest, now 20, has his battles of transitioning from a boy to a man.  My 9 year old has his academic struggles and his battle of deciding on right from wrong as he builds his character.  My 3 year old may have a speech impediment.  I challenge my kids to be leaders and not followers, be the best them that they can be.  I am rough on them, I agree to this statement.  I am a single woman raising boys that will one day mature into men and that is a hard role for a woman to fill.  In all honesty, a woman cannot fill this role it takes a boy to see a man to become a man.  But where are the men?  We have strong black men out there but they feel that black women are all messed up and choose to date outside of their race or they want to date multiple women but want you to be at their beacon and call but they will never be there when you need them.  No thank you, I rather stay single and see you when I see you.  I started watching What Chili Wants last year and Steve Harvey was right, she wants too much.  All women do because we want a faithful man that is going to be there when we are up and when we are down.  We want a man to pamper and cater to us just as he wants us to pamper and cater to him.  We want a man that can come into the picture to be the man our sons see so they will mature into great men.  But most men are so selfish they feel that is asking too much.  My soon to be ex-husband is a great father but he grew up with a jacked up childhood and never saw a man so he is still learning what being a man really is.  The number of women you have does not define your manhood. I have read books meant for men as well as those meant for women (Steve Harvey and Tyrese are two of the most recent).  So why are there so many single parents out here now? There are single women raising boys and single men raising girls?  The family structure in America is so deterioated in my view point.  As a single parent you have to decide do I work hard to provide and miss critical moments in my child’s character growth or do I help build their character and struggle to provide? This question is a constant struggle because if you know me you know I go hard to provide for my kids but it’s still a struggle.  So where is the balance?  Do you find a job that will pay more than enough so you can cover both roles as a single parent?  Do you settle for a man that treats you wrong but is perfect for your kids? Or do you put all your money on your hopes and dreams and just pray they turn out right?  Believe it or not God has blessed me to answer yes to each of these questions and the end result really wasn’t what I had expected!  So what should you do as a single parent in today’s American Society?  I will tell you, hold your head up high, pray to God for direction and no matter where he says to go or what he says to do you stick to it because he has the blueprint and he is the only one that knows the end result.  Do I still cry? Yes, but not as much.  I pray without ceasing, I plead the blood of Jesus more and I thank him for his mercy and grace continuously.  I left a job that I was at for five years and I had to really pray and trust God on my decision to leave.  From this day forward I will always step out on faith because if you just lift your foot he will help you make the step so your tomorrow will be better than your yesterday.  So until next time my lovelies have a glamorous day.

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